Withholding poop FAQ

What causes a child not to poop? Why does my child withhold poop?

Our child had a painful poop experience and decided she never wanted to poop again. No joke. She woke up one morning and announced that she wasn’t going to poop anymore. After some explanation (including confiscating her cereal), she came to understand that poop was unavoidable. But she wasn’t happy about it.

How long can a child go without pooping?

Our child could go 4-5 days without pooping. The first time this happened, we ran to the pharmacy to get a laxative and assumed the problem would work itself out. We quickly realized constipation was a symptom of a much bigger withholding issue when we witnessed a distressing scene. Our daughter screamed, “I’m pooping!” While clenching her bum cheeks together and shaking in pain and discomfort to keep the poop inside. What was she doing and why wasn’t she letting the poop out?! These questions rattled our brains as we searched for solutions to withholding – a term we had never heard of before.

The idea of a quick-fix laxative was over. Our journey to resolve the withholding issue had just begun. We supported her struggle with the usual fluids, fiber, and movement regime. Every poop was a win, and each time we thought that the challenge was over. But it wasn’t. It took much longer than we anticipated because she needed time to build trust in her own body. It took patience and reassurance from us for her to feel safe. She needed help to overcome her fear and create a new poop narrative in her mind. That’s why I wrote I’m not pooping – To help families overcome potty training issues: withholding poop (hopefully faster than we did).

How do you help a child that won’t poop? How to deal with a child who is withholding poop?

• We did the usual stuff: lots of liquids, movement, and fiber (prune pouches helped a lot).
• We read lots of books about poop but I didn’t like any of them, so I wrote: “I’m not pooping”.
• We talked about poop all the time. How our bodies were telling us it was time to let the poop out. And how good it felt afterward.
• We sang the “Everybody poops” song on repeat!
• We also used affirmations like “It’s safe to poop” and “My body makes poop every day.”
• We even appreciated our poop! We talked about how our bodies take care of us by making poop. We stared into the toilet and said, “WOW look what your body made!” 
• We offered a poop reward. I know you shouldn’t use food as a reward, but we were desperate. When she pooped, I would shake the jar of Smarties (Canadian candy) and yell “Smartie party!” Everyone in the family cheered and we each had a few smarties to celebrate the victory.